Do you have little children who just won’t obey your rules? Are you tired of repeating yourself ten, twenty... a hundred times and your children Still won’t listen? Perhaps, you feel like your child is resisting you and testing your patience all the time?
Often as parents, we want the best for our children and we try our best to teach them good behaviour but it seems like our children are out to pick a fight with us all the time, on purpose. One of the most difficult things about being a parent is to be consistent. So many of us allow our parenting to be affected by our mood. If I had a bad day at work, I get angry at my children more easily and I punish them more harshly than I would if I had a neutral day. On good days, they might even get away with a stern warning and no punishment. This inconsistency causes our children to be confused and frustrated. What was wrong yesterday may not be so wrong today or one sibling might get punished for talking back one day while another gets a stern warning for talking back. The truth is, as much as we try to be consistent, it's really difficult especially when we have one thousand and one other things to juggle.
I would like to introduce you to the power of habit. Habits are actions that out brain requires our body to perform subconsciously without further thought much like muscle memory. Good habits don’t just happen overnight. We need to train our brain and body to have these habits. Consistency is key to establishing a habit.
Inculcating good, positive habits can change your life and your children’s lives because habits take difficult behaviour - like screen addiction, saving money, keeping toys, household chores, safety awareness etc. - and make them easier. Actions that we often label as good behaviour such as picking up the toys and putting them back where they belong, cleaning up after a meal, making their bed or putting away their shoes and bags when they come home are good habits that have been consciously nurtured over time.
The habit formation period will require commitment to change, consistent effort and teamwork as a family. However, once habits are formed, they operate automatically. The brain is rewired and the task becomes much easier to perform. In fact, habits strengthen over time meaning the resistance towards habitual behaviour lessens the more it is practiced. Thats why they say “Practice makes perfect”.
Let me share with you my experience. Like so many digital age parents, I had difficulty controlling JJ’s screen time. Every screen session ended with protests and a tantrum. Something needed to change, so I devised a plan to end this madness. I drew up a screen time chart and shared the game plan with JJ - she was about 2 years old then. I told her she could watch the TV (her screen time was limited to the TV then) for 4 times a week. She had one hour each time and once the alarm rang, it was time to turn the TV off. I put the chart up on the fridge where she could see it clearly and put 4 magnets as tokens. After each TV time, she would place a token over a screen icon. On Sunday night, it’s a reset and we put all the tokens back. See our TV chart below.
It took a month or two but her body and mind finally adjusted to it and the habit stuck. JJ is almost 5 now and we still use the same system although the variety of screens has increased. DD is catching on too. After DD came along, instead of doling out more screen time, we told them they had to take turns and share control of the screen. An added benefit of this system is that JJ and DD are learning to make decisions. If they use all their screen time by Thursday, they won’t have any during the weekend.
Do you have a story to share too? Please share it with me in the comments. I would love to hear your story.
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