Teaching our children can be hard work. Even helping out with homework can get our blood pressure up. I often feel like pulling my hair out, screaming or throwing something. I get discouraged, frustrated and lost, not knowing how to make progress. As the difficulties with learning pile up as they get older, our children’s confidence decrease. They become demotivated and disinterested in their studies. Have you ever found yourself wondering, “What happened to my sweet little boy or girl that wanted to know about everything?”
More and more, I meet students who have given up on learning. “Miss, just save me the trouble and give me the answers”, they say. Others continue to struggle with learning but in fear, unsure of what they are doing and feeling miserable. As parents and teachers, we are in a perfect position to make learning an experience that is both enjoyable and deeply memorable. The truth is learning can be enjoyable for both parent and child, teacher and student. When the children are engaged and invested in their learning, they will have fun and that is how learning “sticks”. The thirst for learning is a gift that a child carries for life. I am sharing these 5 tips with you that you can share this gift of learning with your child.
What we learn with pleasure we never forget - Alfred Mercier
- Change our mindset
What I am sharing with you is not a new method or technique. It’s not a best-selling curriculum. It a new set of glasses to see learning and education under a whole new light. The perception of learning as being parent or teacher driven is old-school. No matter how fun an activity is, if the child is not interested, it will do very little for everyone involved. The parent is disappointed and the child gets upset.
At one point in my teaching career, I got really frustrated. Every day I stood in front of classrooms teaching my heart out. Just by observing their behaviour, I could tell the majority of them were not interested in anything I had to say. I had to ask myself, “How can I make my students interested in what I was teaching?” The truth was, I couldn’t.
My viewpoint needed shifting. In order to engage my students’ interest, I had to reframe my mindset from “Listen to me and do as I say” to “Please help me learn it myself”. So instead of asking, “How can I teach better?”, I started asking, “How can I assist their learning?” With this reframe, I was no longer the lead character. Instead my children and my students became the drivers of their learning and I became their assistant. My role is to supply what is needed and then respect the child’s ideas and expression.
You can start by letting your child ask the questions and together, go on a journey to search for the answers. The key to success here is to reframe our mindset of how learning should take place.
- Observe and seize every opportunity
Learning is a natural tendency for any human being. The desire to learn is in-built because we need to learn to survive. There is no additional reward needed to motivate learning. The sense of achievement felt upon meeting the innate desire to learn is suffice. The challenge for us is finding out what our children desire to learn but how do we find out their true behaviour, desires and interests?
If there is one thing that all of us can learn from scientific inquiry, its the power of observation. Take every opportunity to watch your child closely and carefully. This is an excellent opportunity to build mindfulness into your day. If you’re at the playground, watch your child as she leaves your embrace. What emotions does your child show as she leaves you? What equipment does she play with first? Which equipment did she spend the most time on? Did she play with other children? What new challenge can your child complete that she couldn’t the last time you were at the playground?
Or quietly observe your teenager’s body language as he goes about his routine. Which set of homework does he attempt first? Which subjects does he tend to procrastinate? What activity can he concentrate on the longest? Is there anything that he has been motivated to work on constantly? You would be amazed at how much you get to know just by mindfully observing your children.
Once you have discovered their real interests and abilities, the next thing to do is seize every opportunity to weave their interests into projects and activities that would utilize the skills that they need to practice. The best time to learn is when your child wants to learn. That can be anytime which brings me to my next tip.
- Prepare the environment.
“Every child, by instinct, wants to learn and grow to the limit of his abilities. To support this need we must carefully prepare the physical and social environment, provide tools that enable the child to work to create himself”
I love this quote from Susan Mayclin Stephenson’s book on global education with the Montessori method, “Child of the world”. Her advice is applicable to any child of any age. I highly recommend the book if you are interested in Montessori education as it has so much wisdom and it is such an easy read.
You might then ask, how do I prepare an environment that supports my child’s growth and learning? At the simplest, every child needs a loving environment where he can feel safe in this world. An environment that allows him to develop as a fully functioning and contributing member of his community. A community where he will feel needed and valued. The environment that we prepare empowers the child to create himself and is based on the principle of “Please help me to do it myself”.
I for one, am often guilty of telling my children,
“This work is not good enough”
“Not now, maybe when you’re older”
“It’s okay, I don’t need your help. It’s easier if I do it myself”
“Why are you so slow?”
Children ages 0 to 6 are stimulated by their natural environment. They are interested in anything we are doing and everything that we are saying. Whether it is hanging the laundry, baking a cake, reading a book, gardening etc. We often feel like we need to up the ante and prepare fun, exciting activities to entertain our young children. The truth is, the world around them with its flurry of activity including what we often label as chores is captivating and provides sufficient stimulus for their young minds. In her book, Susan argues that it is in learning to do such seemingly mundane activities...[chores and other practical life activities] that a child sees going on around him all day long that he learns to use his BODY and MIND for a PURPOSE, to PLAN, to make CHOICES, to CONCENTRATE, to CONTROL his actions, to FINISH what he started. These abilities are the EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONS - predictors of success later on in life. Most importantly, the child is able to see himself contributing to the important work of the family, the community to which he belongs to.
As the child enters into the pre-teen age, they are ready to take on some responsibility. This is an excellent time to expose the child to an environment that is rich in all areas of learning. Foster broad and diverse interests so that as the child develops, he can choose from his own intuition which interests he is ready to cultivate further. We don’t have to push the child to be a master in every area but with some planning, offer a rich variety of experiences, experiments, games, materials and books that a child can explore as an interest arises.
Finally, what does a learning environment for teenagers look like? We prepare an environment that allows them to take on responsibilities gradually as they become more and more capable. Offer them opportunities to experience independence, like shopping for groceries, doing their own laundry or planning and packing for a trip. When they are ready, let them take on some internships or apprenticeships to learn the value of work. Teenagers also need an environment that offers them the space to figure out who they are, what their moral and cultural values are, where their interests lie and make choices without being afraid to fail. Through these experiences, they gain insight into the skills and knowledge that they will need to thrive and be motivated to master them.
As you can see, the learning environment is dynamic and requires constant preparation and adaptation of the environment to the ever changing needs and tendencies of our children from birth to adulthood. Having said that, the best environments allow children to take responsibility for themselves. An immense excitement is unlocked when our children realize that they discovered the answer for themselves or when they were able to create something independently.
“I never teach my pupils; I only attempt to provide the conditions in which they can learn.” Albert Einstein
- Don’t have any expectations
Life in today’s hectic and demanding world is tough. I know so. I am not here to set another bar for you to reach. There is no standard here, no performance goals to be achieved, no awards to be won. Be easy on yourself. It is alright if we make mistakes (I know I have made a ton and will still be making more). Plan a time when you will enjoy working with your child. Begin with just one thing at a time. If things don’t go well, stop, take a break and try again another time.
At the same time, throw out any expectations you have on your child. We want learning to be a relaxed and enjoyable experience for everyone involved. Recent research in psychology and neuroscience show that we learn and remember more when we are in a good mood. There is a saying, “Expectations are disappointments waiting to happen”. Having expectations is a sure recipe for a stressful time because when we attach ourselves to a particular outcome (expectation) and reality turns out to be different, we get disappointed and discouraged. Instead of having high expectations or narrow agendas, I invite you to connect instead with your own intention of sharing knowledge and learning, regardless of what outcome may arise.
If we set intentions rather than goals or expectations, we focus on a process you can influence, rather than the outcome, which we cannot control. Intentions tell us where we are, keeping us focused on the journey rather than the destination. You can make good plans and even backup plans, but keep an open mind and be willing to go in an unexpected direction if that is where the journey takes. There will always be something to learn from the any path that our journey takes us. When we intend to offer our children a positive experience of learning rather than expecting them to achieve high standards, we can all relax and enjoy the present moment. Perhaps the best intention we can have is to create a connection with the kids in our lives while teaching them something useful. The more this can truly be our intention, the better for the children, the relationship and our own sanity. In the end, authentic human connection will be more helpful to our children than any knowledge that we are trying to impart.
- Get out of the way
We have come to my final tip. As adults we can learn a lot from young children on how to be present in the moment, bring our whole selves, mind and body, to the task at hand, focus on what we are doing and enjoy each moment of life. I am often focused on doing things the most efficient and quickest way, multi-tasking and rushing through my routine so that I get as many items checked off on my to-do list. My pre-schoolers on the other hand are zen masters. They take their own sweet time without a care for the world. For them, their only concern is to practice and master the activity they are currently interested in. In doing so, they are learning to focus, concentrate and pay attention to the present task.
I have learned to let go and get out of the way. By that, I mean not interrupting their focused attention and respecting their space. There is no way of telling how many times they will repeat the activity. Sometimes they do it once and stop but mostly, they will repeat it again and again until they are satisfied with their work. The most important thing to remember here is, where possible, leave it to them to decide when to stop.
We have come this far, changed our mindsets, learned to observe and interpret our child’s behaviour to discover his needs, created a wonderful environment to the best of our abilities and thrown out all expectations. The only thing left to do is to respect our chld’s choices of learning and expression and get out of the way, following our child attentively and support him as his path unfolds.
Learning is so much more than academic knowledge. I conclude with a quote from Susan Mayclin Stephenson, “We can help children develop a love for learning, an ability to make intelligent and responsible choices, to concentrate and focus and to do one’s best to complete a task to the satisfaction of oneself rather than to please someone.” Now that is not just learning to survive but learning to thrive. Each day presents is with countless teachable moments — opportunities for growth and insight, for us and our kids. Our job is to watch out for those moments and be prepared to use them.
If you are looking for ideas for activities to get you started on an exciting learning journey with your children, check out this article I wrote.
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